I R A T E  D O G
You Can’t Fix Stupid

I’ve been trying to follow the so-called Congressional Super-committee (remember the new superheroes who are
supposed to save America from diving off a multi-trillion dollar debt cliff?) but my lack of an Ivy League education is
obviously stifling any meaningful comprehension.

These geniuses are supposed to report back the day before Thanksgiving vacation on ways to carve $1.2 trillion from
record budget deficits, thereby saving our Republic.

I had naively assumed, along with millions of others, that this super-committee would address America’s imminent
debt catastrophe with some radical reform like abolishing useless government agencies or establishing a cap on
annual federal spending or raising the Social Security retirement age, but I assumed wrong.

As it turns out, the geniuses on a committee created for the specific purpose of reducing the deficit are, instead,
seeking to increase it.

Liberal Democrat members like Patty Murray, Max Baucus, and John Kerry on the super-committee have proposed
that savings from the end of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan be used to pay for a new stimulus package!

Did you understand that?    If not, I’ll let the Congressional Budget Office explain it to you:   “The budget savings from
ending the wars are estimated to total around $1 trillion over a decade.”   (So, according to official CBO estimates, a
whole decade’s worth of war in both Iraq and Afghanistan adds up to little more than Obummer’s 2009 stimulus bill!)

But, help me out here: in what sense, exactly, can this be considered “savings?”   How can congressional
accountants claim to be able to measure “savings” in 2021 from a war that ended a decade earlier?

And why stop there?   Why not score the estimated two-thirds of a century of “budget savings” realized since ending
World War II?   Or World War I?   How about the War of 1812?   My God!   Can you imagine how much cash has piled
up since then?!

We could use the nearly two centuries of budget savings from the end of the War of 1812 to fund the construction of
new high-speed monorails and solar-powered cities!   We could use the savings from World War I to fund free
master’s degrees for everybody!   And the savings from winning World War II could be used to “fix” Social Security
and Medicare permanently!

These Congressional budget gimmicks have descended into absolute absurdity.   This kind of deficit-reduction math
is concocted by people who didn't take any math in college – or flunked it if they did.
Even the word "Budget" is a joke in Washington D.C.   When Congress for decades has spent every single penny of
revenue raised PLUS 30% more (recently ratcheted up to 50% more), it should be obvious to all that we do not have a
revenue problem - we have a SPENDING problem!

None of us lowly peons here in the real world can possibly understand all the complexities and intricacies of the
federal “budget,” so here’s a brief summary –in layman’s terms:   I went car shopping this past weekend, and found a
beautiful Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited for $35,000.   But I didn't buy it, so I saved myself $35,000.   This week, I intend
to look for a speed boat and a couple of jet skis, so I should be able to save at least another $50,000 by not buying
these.   By next month, I should be able to not buy a $500,000 house.   At this rate, I should be a millionaire by the end
of the year!   

Who says the American Dream is dead?

As Ron White puts it: “You can't fix stupid.”
November 13th, 2011